The Lazy Fucking Farmer is too impatient to wait for spring, and is sowing carrot seeds in old milk- and juice-cartons. The snow can melt in it's own sweet time, I can haz carrots with fancy names. ("Deep purple"? Whoever comes up with calling a carrot that have watched too many porn films. Or maybe I have. There is no paraphilia like dendrophilia.).

It is possible that I do this because I'm grumpy after reading a garden magazine from England. They were gushing about "all the lovely things that sprout in March" and "Enjoy springtime relaxing in your garden". Accompanied by delicate pictures of flowers and pastel garden accessories.

Where I live there's one metre of snow outside now, and March is usually an awful month of sleet, slush and surprise snowfall. The only delicate flowers I'm likely to see are frost roses on the windows.

But if I'm lucky I will have strange goth-carrots in my windowsill before midsummer.